Please check out the informative articles on various topics
as well as my creative works at the links to the right of the page. Today you
listened in on my first blog radio talk show interview on the serious topic of
Baby Mama and Baby Daddy drama and its social acceptability.
Breaking up with someone and staying civil is hard enough when it's just
between the two of you, but when a child is involved, it can be a bit dicey.
Having spent the last 14 years as a parent working with an ex to raise a
child, these steps have made it easier to focus on what matters most-- our
child.
Things You'll Need: * An ex * A child * Patience
Step 1: Get rid of that label.
Stop referring to
your child's parent as your "baby mama" or "baby daddy". View them as the other
party involved in the creation of your little one. If the child is over the age
of two, that term is definitely inappropriate.
Step 2: Communicate with your ex.
Do not use your
child as a walkie-talkie. Using your child as a go between can lead to disaster.
Children often play sides when it comes to wanting things from their parents.
Miscommunication can develop if a message is misconstrued whether intentionally
or unintentionally. It's best if you two do the talking directly.
I WOULD TAKE THIS A STEP FURTHER BY SAYING DON'T PRY INFORMATION OUT OF YOUR
CHILD. IF YOUR EX INTENDED FOR YOU TO KNOW HIS OR HER BUSINESS, YOU WOULD HAVE
HEARD IT FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH. NO CHILD NEEDS THE THIRD DEGREE ABOUT WHAT
MOMMY OR DADDY IS UP TO IN THEIR PRIVATE LIVES.
Step 3: Keep it simple and straightforward.
Express what your needs or concerns for your child are while being specific and
concise. Over doing things and indulging in longer than necessary conversations
leave you open to disagreements and ill-feelings. These are not beneficial to
the child and hamper the possibility of an amicable relationship with your ex.
I OFTEN ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE REELED IN, FALLING PREY TO HIS POUNCE. HE’D JUMP
AT THE CHANCE TO “GET MY GOAT” AS THE SAYING GOES. I FELT SET UP, SO I LEARNED
TO ELIMINATE THOSE OPPORTUNITIES. IF I DIDN’T ALLOW HIM THE IN TO LOSE HIS
TEMPER, I WOULDN’T LOSE MINE.
Step 4: Don't lead your ex on.
Speak only of the
child. If your own personal matters must be discussed, it should be done solely
due to scheduling concerns related to the child. As long as you are not doing
anything that could cause harm to your child, your personal life is your own and
your ex should no longer be a part of it. That is why he or she is called your
ex.
FOLKS GET JEALOUS AND WANT TOO MUCH INFORMATION THAT SHOULDN’T CONCERN THEM.
Step 5: Don't be the meanie.
Do not bash the
other parent in the presence of your child. You don't have to be the best of
buds, but you should at least be civil. A child can pick up on any animosity you
hold for their mommy or daddy and will likely resent you for being the meanie.
IF YOUR EX IS A SCHMUCK, YOUR CHILD WILL LEARN THAT ON HIS OR HER OWN. YOU
DON’T HAVE TO RUB IN THE FACT THAT YOU MAY NOT HAVE PICKED THE BEST MATE TO
CO-PARENT WITH.
Step 6: Make it work for both parents.
Establish
a schedule for visitations, attending sporting events, other extra curricular
activities, doctor and dental visits. Whether it is court appointed or set by
the two of you, it can be made flexible to suit all involved.
TRY NOT TO OVER REACT IF SCHEDULES NEED TWEAKING. IF SOMEONE IS ABUSING YOUR
FLEXIBILITY, THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER ISSUE. YOU’LL HAVE TO ADDRESS THAT MATTER.
NIP IT IN THE BUD.
Step 7: Keep them out of it.
Avoid getting your
new partner involved in matters between you and your ex. If you are strictly
about business with your ex, your new mate should feel no insecurity and
therefore no need to interfere with the parental system you've set up with your
ex. The catch with this step is that your ex has to be respectful and do the
same with his or her new partner.
Step 8: Everyone has their place.
If you are
taking the next step in the relationship with your new partner, assure your ex
that no one will be taking his or her place. Make it certain that you have
chosen someone who understands the importance of your child's relationship with
the other parent, and make it known you're not looking for a replacement. If
this seems tough, just remember that you wouldn't want to be replaced by a new
mommy or daddy yourself.
Step 9: Stick to your guns.
Being too lax can
lead to your ex taking advantage of you. Don't be bullied, you're an adult,
you're a parent and what you say matters too.
Step 10: Be cool.
People are unpredictable. They
might not want to be reasonable; they might not have a desire to get along. Just
keep your composure and retrace your steps because your child is worth it.
JUST RETRACE THE AFOREMENTIONED STEPS…
