I've Only Just Begun

Some might say I shouldn’t be so optimistic and that the future of a single mom of five is dismal. The thing is-- I am excited by all the possibilities life has to offer. I simply can’t help but wonder what else is out there just waiting for me to explore it? Or better yet, who?

I’m hopeful. I have greater focus on my personal life goals and accomplish small milestones nearly every day. Who says that’s not the path to happiness? Who says that’s not the direction pointing toward my true mate? ‘Cause from where I’m standing, I’m pretty sure I’m on the right track.

My point? Life keeps going on with or without you; so you might as well secure your place among the living. So for all who don’t understand why I’m not downtrodden, and for those who think I should have regrets for my failed marriage—I say, relax. I’ve only just begun. ;)

Trust.

It seems as if you begin a relationship with trust. Even those who appear to have “trust issues” often give new beaus the benefit of the doubt until they are either proven right or wrong about their love interest. How refreshing to experience an honest lover. How terribly disappointing to add another to the list of deceivers.

Give a person several reasons to believe your word and actions, then do or say one thing that deviates from the realm of reasonable and all bets are off. Trust is forgotten. Everything that came before, whether true or not, becomes invalid.
If you’re caught in a lie once, who is to say you didn’t lie before you got caught? Who is to say everything since isn’t false? The thing about trust is that it can be lost much more easily than it can be regained once gone.

In order to regain trust you have to consider that the person you are appealing to must be exposed and vulnerable in order to let you back in. This is because he or she is giving you another opportunity to cause emotional damage if you falter and betray his or her trust again. Allowing oneself to be so open is a difficult feat because self preservation is innate. No one wants to experience heartbreak.

When there’s no trust, both parties suffer. On the one hand, a point of exhaustion can be reached when you’re spending most of your time trying to convince your love that you are loyal and honest. On the other hand, your partner doesn’t want to distrust you or imagine you’re capable of doing anything that could be potentially hurtful.

So, how do you resolve this issue? Do you simply give up on love? Do you convince yourself that all women are conniving or all men are dogs? That’s no way to experience life abundantly.

Take each occurrence on a case by case basis. One time could really mean one time. One time could also mean one time today so far. Just because Ron was a player doesn’t mean Ben is too. Just because Erika slept with the football team doesn’t mean Toya will run through the men in the neighborhood.

Love is a beautifully frightening experience when done right. Trust your instincts, your heart, and your lover. And if you find opening yourself up is to your detriment, let him or her go because trust is essential to the development of your relationship. You can’t embrace someone with your arms folded.

I’d like to hear from you readers. What do you know about trust?

Make a change. Make a difference.

Change is uncomfortable but necessary to make a difference.

Make a change. Make a difference.

~Robin L. Jessie-Green

How to Prepare Kids for Parents' Separation

How to Prepare Children for Separation was originally published on eHow.com.

Find more of my articles published on eHow.

Here's a snapshot:
Step Four:

Assure them.Your children will likely feel anxiety over this tremendous change in the family dynamic. Thoughts of fear and abandonment may well up and trust issues may develop. Do your best to assure your children that they are loved and they are not the reason for the adult problems affecting the family. Counseling is also a good option.

Take extra care and time when it comes to the kids. Separations are hard on adults, so don't expect the children to understand why the two people who created them no longer want to be a family unit.

Read more about preparing children for a separation.

How to Tell When it’s Really Over?

You’ve argued, you’ve yelled, you’ve given the silent treatment time and time again. Things just aren’t the way they should be or perhaps they never were quite right. It becomes increasingly uncomfortable to be in the other’s presence. Most of the thoughts you have about your present and future with your partner are negative and filled with dread. Based on these facts, you assume it’s time for the relationship to finally end. That’s not accurate. The fighting isn’t how you can tell when it’s really over, it’s what happens once it finally stops that lets you know.

CLICK ON THE TITLE ABOVE FOR THE COMPLETE eHOW ARTICLE

How to Keep Your Woman from Cheating on You

This article was written in response to the article at the following link:

Keep Your Man from Cheating on You

This is the extended version denied publishing access anywhere else on the web.


Notice More:
Understand that while women appreciate you noticing and appreciating our curves, we have far more to offer you. Take interest in more than your woman's big breast-ta-siss, slender waistline and bodacious behind. Listen to what she likes and try encouraging her when she reveals where her passion lies. Supporting her endeavors through subtle but probing conversation can be all it takes for her to share with you instead of that other dude willing to lend a listening ear.

Hey Good Lookin':
Keep up your appearances or reconsider the standard you may have placed on your woman to meet. We like a tight body too, so make sure your physique is at least comparable to ours. No eight-pound babies have stretched out your tummy and been expelled from your precious treasure box, so what's your excuse?

Yummy:
Cook for your lady, occasionally will do. Simple meals that you put an effort into will be truly appreciated and not taken for granted. Even Hamburger Helper with a ready-made salad and brown -n- serve rolls, presented nicely with her favorite beverage (alcoholic or non), will leave her thrilled. Just don't burn it. Be attentive.

Know Her:
On date night, arrange to get together at a place she can enjoy. Whether it's Red Lobster or the Chart House, if she's allergic to shellfish, the date is doomed to end the same way-- with a trip to the emergency room and a shot of Epinephrine. Know your lady, gentleman. Pay attention.

Not Yet:
Don't climax before your lady does and then soup her head up by telling her it's how she's built, her walls are too tight or it's just so good. While all that may be true (Kegels), if it happens often, you need to use other methods to bring her to where she's already taken you. If your inability to pace yourself becomes enough of a problem, seek a medical professional. 'Nuff said.

Oral Pleasures:
You want some sensational oral pleasures, well so do we. Some women love ample clitoral manipulation while others appreciate indirect stimulation. Lips as well as tongue should be incorporated into your oral performance skill set. Lift up her nightgown and approach it from behind. Try yanking your woman by the thighs, sliding her to the corner of the bed and go at it. Listen, you like enthusiastic head, so do some of us. Sop it up, make it sound like you love it and we'll return the favor.

Final Note:
The moral of this response article is: If you do all you can to keep her into you, she won't cheat. If she still needs something from someone elsewhere, it's not you. Let her go because it's simply out of your control.

How to Avoid Baby Mama or Baby Daddy Drama with your Ex

Greetings listeners of “The Miss Mo Show” Welcome to my blog. 

Please check out the informative articles on various topics as well as my creative works at the links to the right of the page. Today you listened in on my first blog radio talk show interview on the serious topic of Baby Mama and Baby Daddy drama and its social acceptability. 

Breaking up with someone and staying civil is hard enough when it's just between the two of you, but when a child is involved, it can be a bit dicey. Having spent the last 14 years as a parent working with an ex to raise a child, these steps have made it easier to focus on what matters most-- our child. 

Things You'll Need: * An ex * A child * Patience 

Step 1:  Get rid of that label. 

Stop referring to your child's parent as your "baby mama" or "baby daddy". View them as the other party involved in the creation of your little one. If the child is over the age of two, that term is definitely inappropriate. 

Step 2: Communicate with your ex. 

Do not use your child as a walkie-talkie. Using your child as a go between can lead to disaster. Children often play sides when it comes to wanting things from their parents. Miscommunication can develop if a message is misconstrued whether intentionally or unintentionally. It's best if you two do the talking directly. 

I WOULD TAKE THIS A STEP FURTHER BY SAYING DON'T PRY INFORMATION OUT OF YOUR CHILD. IF YOUR EX INTENDED FOR YOU TO KNOW HIS OR HER BUSINESS, YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD IT FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH. NO CHILD NEEDS THE THIRD DEGREE ABOUT WHAT MOMMY OR DADDY IS UP TO IN THEIR PRIVATE LIVES. 

Step 3:  Keep it simple and straightforward. 

Express what your needs or concerns for your child are while being specific and concise. Over doing things and indulging in longer than necessary conversations leave you open to disagreements and ill-feelings. These are not beneficial to the child and hamper the possibility of an amicable relationship with your ex. 

I OFTEN ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE REELED IN, FALLING PREY TO HIS POUNCE. HE’D JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO “GET MY GOAT” AS THE SAYING GOES. I FELT SET UP, SO I LEARNED TO ELIMINATE THOSE OPPORTUNITIES. IF I DIDN’T ALLOW HIM THE IN TO LOSE HIS TEMPER, I WOULDN’T LOSE MINE. 

Step 4:  Don't lead your ex on. 

Speak only of the child. If your own personal matters must be discussed, it should be done solely due to scheduling concerns related to the child. As long as you are not doing anything that could cause harm to your child, your personal life is your own and your ex should no longer be a part of it. That is why he or she is called your ex. 

FOLKS GET JEALOUS AND WANT TOO MUCH INFORMATION THAT SHOULDN’T CONCERN THEM. 

Step 5:  Don't be the meanie. 

Do not bash the other parent in the presence of your child. You don't have to be the best of buds, but you should at least be civil. A child can pick up on any animosity you hold for their mommy or daddy and will likely resent you for being the meanie. 

IF YOUR EX IS A SCHMUCK, YOUR CHILD WILL LEARN THAT ON HIS OR HER OWN. YOU DON’T HAVE TO RUB IN THE FACT THAT YOU MAY NOT HAVE PICKED THE BEST MATE TO CO-PARENT WITH. 

Step 6:  Make it work for both parents. 

Establish a schedule for visitations, attending sporting events, other extra curricular activities, doctor and dental visits. Whether it is court appointed or set by the two of you, it can be made flexible to suit all involved. 

TRY NOT TO OVER REACT IF SCHEDULES NEED TWEAKING. IF SOMEONE IS ABUSING YOUR FLEXIBILITY, THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER ISSUE. YOU’LL HAVE TO ADDRESS THAT MATTER. NIP IT IN THE BUD. 

Step 7: Keep them out of it. 

Avoid getting your new partner involved in matters between you and your ex. If you are strictly about business with your ex, your new mate should feel no insecurity and therefore no need to interfere with the parental system you've set up with your ex. The catch with this step is that your ex has to be respectful and do the same with his or her new partner. 

Step 8:  Everyone has their place. 

If you are taking the next step in the relationship with your new partner, assure your ex that no one will be taking his or her place. Make it certain that you have chosen someone who understands the importance of your child's relationship with the other parent, and make it known you're not looking for a replacement. If this seems tough, just remember that you wouldn't want to be replaced by a new mommy or daddy yourself. 

Step 9:  Stick to your guns. 

Being too lax can lead to your ex taking advantage of you. Don't be bullied, you're an adult, you're a parent and what you say matters too. 

Step 10:  Be cool. 

People are unpredictable. They might not want to be reasonable; they might not have a desire to get along. Just keep your composure and retrace your steps because your child is worth it. 

JUST RETRACE THE AFOREMENTIONED STEPS…