How to Prepare Kids for Parents' Separation

How to Prepare Children for Separation was originally published on eHow.com.

Find more of my articles published on eHow.

Here's a snapshot:
Step Four:

Assure them.Your children will likely feel anxiety over this tremendous change in the family dynamic. Thoughts of fear and abandonment may well up and trust issues may develop. Do your best to assure your children that they are loved and they are not the reason for the adult problems affecting the family. Counseling is also a good option.

Take extra care and time when it comes to the kids. Separations are hard on adults, so don't expect the children to understand why the two people who created them no longer want to be a family unit.

Read more about preparing children for a separation.

How to Tell When it’s Really Over?

You’ve argued, you’ve yelled, you’ve given the silent treatment time and time again. Things just aren’t the way they should be or perhaps they never were quite right. It becomes increasingly uncomfortable to be in the other’s presence. Most of the thoughts you have about your present and future with your partner are negative and filled with dread. Based on these facts, you assume it’s time for the relationship to finally end. That’s not accurate. The fighting isn’t how you can tell when it’s really over, it’s what happens once it finally stops that lets you know.

CLICK ON THE TITLE ABOVE FOR THE COMPLETE eHOW ARTICLE

How to Keep Your Woman from Cheating on You

This article was written in response to the article at the following link:

Keep Your Man from Cheating on You

This is the extended version denied publishing access anywhere else on the web.


Notice More:
Understand that while women appreciate you noticing and appreciating our curves, we have far more to offer you. Take interest in more than your woman's big breast-ta-siss, slender waistline and bodacious behind. Listen to what she likes and try encouraging her when she reveals where her passion lies. Supporting her endeavors through subtle but probing conversation can be all it takes for her to share with you instead of that other dude willing to lend a listening ear.

Hey Good Lookin':
Keep up your appearances or reconsider the standard you may have placed on your woman to meet. We like a tight body too, so make sure your physique is at least comparable to ours. No eight-pound babies have stretched out your tummy and been expelled from your precious treasure box, so what's your excuse?

Yummy:
Cook for your lady, occasionally will do. Simple meals that you put an effort into will be truly appreciated and not taken for granted. Even Hamburger Helper with a ready-made salad and brown -n- serve rolls, presented nicely with her favorite beverage (alcoholic or non), will leave her thrilled. Just don't burn it. Be attentive.

Know Her:
On date night, arrange to get together at a place she can enjoy. Whether it's Red Lobster or the Chart House, if she's allergic to shellfish, the date is doomed to end the same way-- with a trip to the emergency room and a shot of Epinephrine. Know your lady, gentleman. Pay attention.

Not Yet:
Don't climax before your lady does and then soup her head up by telling her it's how she's built, her walls are too tight or it's just so good. While all that may be true (Kegels), if it happens often, you need to use other methods to bring her to where she's already taken you. If your inability to pace yourself becomes enough of a problem, seek a medical professional. 'Nuff said.

Oral Pleasures:
You want some sensational oral pleasures, well so do we. Some women love ample clitoral manipulation while others appreciate indirect stimulation. Lips as well as tongue should be incorporated into your oral performance skill set. Lift up her nightgown and approach it from behind. Try yanking your woman by the thighs, sliding her to the corner of the bed and go at it. Listen, you like enthusiastic head, so do some of us. Sop it up, make it sound like you love it and we'll return the favor.

Final Note:
The moral of this response article is: If you do all you can to keep her into you, she won't cheat. If she still needs something from someone elsewhere, it's not you. Let her go because it's simply out of your control.

How to Avoid Baby Mama or Baby Daddy Drama with your Ex

Greetings listeners of “The Miss Mo Show” Welcome to my blog. 

Please check out the informative articles on various topics as well as my creative works at the links to the right of the page. Today you listened in on my first blog radio talk show interview on the serious topic of Baby Mama and Baby Daddy drama and its social acceptability. 

Breaking up with someone and staying civil is hard enough when it's just between the two of you, but when a child is involved, it can be a bit dicey. Having spent the last 14 years as a parent working with an ex to raise a child, these steps have made it easier to focus on what matters most-- our child. 

Things You'll Need: * An ex * A child * Patience 

Step 1:  Get rid of that label. 

Stop referring to your child's parent as your "baby mama" or "baby daddy". View them as the other party involved in the creation of your little one. If the child is over the age of two, that term is definitely inappropriate. 

Step 2: Communicate with your ex. 

Do not use your child as a walkie-talkie. Using your child as a go between can lead to disaster. Children often play sides when it comes to wanting things from their parents. Miscommunication can develop if a message is misconstrued whether intentionally or unintentionally. It's best if you two do the talking directly. 

I WOULD TAKE THIS A STEP FURTHER BY SAYING DON'T PRY INFORMATION OUT OF YOUR CHILD. IF YOUR EX INTENDED FOR YOU TO KNOW HIS OR HER BUSINESS, YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD IT FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH. NO CHILD NEEDS THE THIRD DEGREE ABOUT WHAT MOMMY OR DADDY IS UP TO IN THEIR PRIVATE LIVES. 

Step 3:  Keep it simple and straightforward. 

Express what your needs or concerns for your child are while being specific and concise. Over doing things and indulging in longer than necessary conversations leave you open to disagreements and ill-feelings. These are not beneficial to the child and hamper the possibility of an amicable relationship with your ex. 

I OFTEN ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE REELED IN, FALLING PREY TO HIS POUNCE. HE’D JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO “GET MY GOAT” AS THE SAYING GOES. I FELT SET UP, SO I LEARNED TO ELIMINATE THOSE OPPORTUNITIES. IF I DIDN’T ALLOW HIM THE IN TO LOSE HIS TEMPER, I WOULDN’T LOSE MINE. 

Step 4:  Don't lead your ex on. 

Speak only of the child. If your own personal matters must be discussed, it should be done solely due to scheduling concerns related to the child. As long as you are not doing anything that could cause harm to your child, your personal life is your own and your ex should no longer be a part of it. That is why he or she is called your ex. 

FOLKS GET JEALOUS AND WANT TOO MUCH INFORMATION THAT SHOULDN’T CONCERN THEM. 

Step 5:  Don't be the meanie. 

Do not bash the other parent in the presence of your child. You don't have to be the best of buds, but you should at least be civil. A child can pick up on any animosity you hold for their mommy or daddy and will likely resent you for being the meanie. 

IF YOUR EX IS A SCHMUCK, YOUR CHILD WILL LEARN THAT ON HIS OR HER OWN. YOU DON’T HAVE TO RUB IN THE FACT THAT YOU MAY NOT HAVE PICKED THE BEST MATE TO CO-PARENT WITH. 

Step 6:  Make it work for both parents. 

Establish a schedule for visitations, attending sporting events, other extra curricular activities, doctor and dental visits. Whether it is court appointed or set by the two of you, it can be made flexible to suit all involved. 

TRY NOT TO OVER REACT IF SCHEDULES NEED TWEAKING. IF SOMEONE IS ABUSING YOUR FLEXIBILITY, THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER ISSUE. YOU’LL HAVE TO ADDRESS THAT MATTER. NIP IT IN THE BUD. 

Step 7: Keep them out of it. 

Avoid getting your new partner involved in matters between you and your ex. If you are strictly about business with your ex, your new mate should feel no insecurity and therefore no need to interfere with the parental system you've set up with your ex. The catch with this step is that your ex has to be respectful and do the same with his or her new partner. 

Step 8:  Everyone has their place. 

If you are taking the next step in the relationship with your new partner, assure your ex that no one will be taking his or her place. Make it certain that you have chosen someone who understands the importance of your child's relationship with the other parent, and make it known you're not looking for a replacement. If this seems tough, just remember that you wouldn't want to be replaced by a new mommy or daddy yourself. 

Step 9:  Stick to your guns. 

Being too lax can lead to your ex taking advantage of you. Don't be bullied, you're an adult, you're a parent and what you say matters too. 

Step 10:  Be cool. 

People are unpredictable. They might not want to be reasonable; they might not have a desire to get along. Just keep your composure and retrace your steps because your child is worth it. 

JUST RETRACE THE AFOREMENTIONED STEPS…

Little black girls want "good hair"

Originally published on October 13, 2009 on Examiner.com.
Removed from site on October 15, 2009. CENSORSHIP
UNFORTUNATELY, THE QUOTES USED ARE FROM MY OWN DAUGHTERS.

Little black girls want “good hair”

“I want to be a white woman when I grow up ‘cause they’ve got long straight hair…,” from the lips of a 5-year-old African American female.

It begins early, young black girls and boys learn the societal images of beauty. The looser your curl, the more attractive you are. Girls want long, straight flowing hair. If not naturally, then manufactured. Boys wear “do rags” to get those waves coming in nicely.

To get the desired look of the western standards of beauty, black hair is trained by repeated pressing with a hot comb, by use of relaxers, texturizers or some other altering device or chemical. And so the internal battle ensues. Children are struggling with accepting themselves as they are and conforming to what someone else led them to believe is “good”.

As children grow they are still striving for what they have been taught is beautiful and acceptable by other’s standards. “I don’t know what to do with it,” a frustrated 14-year-old girl expresses concerning her defeatist attitude towards her natural.

She doesn’t like double-strand twists, she doesn’t like cornrows, she doesn’t like braided extensions, she doesn’t want locs, she doesn’t like ‘fros, or knots or anything close to those styles. What she wants is long, straight hair flowing down her back. What would make her happiest and more confident is a relaxer and a hair weave combination. Then she will be beautiful.

It’s not true girls and boys. You were beautiful from the moment you were born.

Chris Rock’s documentary “Good Hair” opened in select theaters on October 9, 2009.
Releasing in theaters nationwide next weekend.

Currently playing in the following theaters near Philadelphia:

Regal Cinemas Commerce Center 18 (40.9 mi from Philly)
2399 Us Highway 1
North Brunswick, NJ 08902
800.326.3264

AMC Loews New Brunswick Theatre (46.7 mi from Philly)
17 US Highway #1
New Brunswick, NJ 08902
888.262.4386

Regal Cinemas Hadley Center 11 (48.8 mi from Philly)
1000 Corporate Ct
South Plainfield, NJ 07080
908.668.4449

Read more information on this topic by Daily News Columnist Jenice M. Armstrong and Inquirer Fashion Writer Elizabeth Wellington.

My husband isn't leaving me, I'm pushing him out the door

We’ve known one another since childhood. He says he knew when we were ten that I was the girl for him. I didn’t know it then, and I sometimes struggle with it now. But something keeps us bound. Something beyond the marriage license and the kids because “we” were before “they” grew in number. I believe that “something” is fear.

The most difficult part about marrying your highschool sweetheart is that you grow up together and in growing up together, you sometimes grow apart. The desire for life outside of your long time buddy starts to inundate your world. Wanting to break free may be brushed off as a fleeting thought if fear is what holds you back from moving forward in a different direction.

My husband has a dream, and he wants to follow it. For as far back as I can remember, my spouse has been fascinated with history. Thrilled with all that came before us, he spends hours reading historical novels and viewing special documentaries on the History Channel. At his insistence, we’ve taken family trips to museums. His second passion, very closely matched to the first, is the military.

At the ripe young age of thirty-one, my man wants to become a soldier. Technically, he wants to utilize his expertise as a professional truck driver for military detail; nonetheless, he wants to fulfill his dream. In serving his country, he will serve his life’s purpose. Ultimately, he wants to study constitutional law and feels the government can help him accomplish this goal.

I was lucky enough to realize early on what my purpose is. I am a writer and I share my mind with the masses. He has recently been encouraging me to complete my first novel and to continue to hone my craft through writing informative articles and publishing creative pieces online. Pushing my fear to the side is the only way I can achieve my vision. My fear shouldn’t comprise him from achieving his.

I may not agree with his dream, but it is his dream. I know enough to know I cannot stand in the way of something so important to him. Fear is not a good enough excuse for my opposition, so I'm doing my best to understand and be supportive.

So like I said before, my husband isn’t leaving me, I’m pushing him out the door.



Articles I've written related to this post:

How to support someone when you don't share their vision
How to prepare for the ASVAB (military exam)

Me Me Me Me Me and sometimes you

We’re told to be self confident but not self centered. You have to be self assured but not overly so. Low self esteem is a sign of insecurity and that’s both pitiful and undesirable. It’s not all about you. It should sometimes be about you, but only just enough.

Why not be a narcosis? Why doesn’t the world revolve around you? If not you, than who? Aren’t you at the center of your life, your world? I suppose, you should consider others, but you are living your life and not theirs. So when’s it okay for it to be all about you?

For a while, I was getting the sneaking suspicion that everything was happening to me. It didn’t occur to me that my paranoia had temporarily blinded me from seeing that other people have issues too.

I needed a biopsy; my family member needed surgery.

My vehicle was out of commission for 2 days when my axle broke; my best friend’s parked car was wrecked by a hit and run driver.

I need to dedicate more time to my article writing to increase income; another friend just told me she might be getting laid off.

I almost made their issues into my problems. As if simply knowing me rubbed some of my bad karma onto them. There goes that narcissistic paranoia again.

Visit the site FML (F@#% My Life) by clicking on the title above to read more stories from people with problems just like you and me. Me Me Me Me Me…